


Of Paragons And Renegades

by black_rose4



Series: Paragon For Life [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, Domestic Fluff, Drabble Collection, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, One Shot Collection, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 09:40:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10241768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/black_rose4/pseuds/black_rose4
Summary: A collection of one-shots I've posted over on my tumblr, featuring Commander Emma-Jane Shepard and plenty of Liara T'Soni, as well as a few others. These aren't all shippy ficlets, but plenty are.





	1. A Night To Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW. It's smut, I can't really say much else. 
> 
> Set pre-ME1 so feel free to skip over this if you want, I promise I don't mind.

When he’d sidled up to her at the bar earlier that evening she hadn’t thought she would end up inviting him back to her room for the night. He was easy enough on the eyes, but it was clear from how he carried himself that he knew it and normally EJ couldn’t be bothered wasting her with someone like that. But despite that she’d found his company pleasant and quickly found that she didn’t really care all too much if he loved himself - especially not when he’d been buying her half her drinks. 

He’d seemed eager to show just how  _charming_  he could really be and Emma was not about to turn the man down, especially not when he’d gotten his mouth on her. He seemed to know what he was doing and once he’d figured out what she preferred - with a little nudging from Emma -  there was no slowing him down. Not that she was about to stop him either. 

It took a few attempts to regain his attention and get him to stop long enough to talk to him. “Bill. Wouldn’t you like to give your jaw a rest and come fuck me instead?” 

As much as she loved being eaten out, she’d been hoping for a good fuck when she’d invited him back to her room. She makes his answer easy and tugs on his hair to draw him away from between her thighs, more strands coming out of his bun as she pulls at it. 

He grins up at her as he comes up to kiss her. “How do you want it?” 

She kisses him quick and hard before pushing him off, then flips over so she’s standing on her hands and knees. Bill takes a second to enjoy the view before clambering after her. She waits awkwardly, ass in the air, as he tries to line himself up properly, but the wait is worth it when he finds his rhythm. Emma bounces back towards him, ass meeting his hips with each thrust. All the while Bill mutters honeyed words to her - tells her how good she feels, says how beautiful she looks, asks her to come for him - not that Emma listens to them, too busy focusing on the pleasure she’s feeling. 

“Fuck, I’m close.” 

“Then come for me baby.”

Before he knows what’s happening EJ has moved from under him to the top of the bed and is buckled over laughing. 

“What? What’s wrong?”

“ _Baby?_ God, so much for my orgasm.

Bill pouts at her from across the bed. “What’s wrong with baby?”

“I just - I can’t.” Instead of answering him properly, Emma just shakes her head and keeps laughing. “ _Baby_. Jesus Christ.”

“Look,” says Bill. “How about I make it up to you? We could go again or I can go down on your again or - whatever you want.” 

Emma takes a moment before rejoining him, sitting close to him and reaching a hand to his cheek. She pushes some stray hair from his face and smiles at him. “There is no way in hell I’m gonna be able to go back to fucking now. Tell you what. Gimme a minute to clear my head and stop laughing, then you can show me what you’re good at again, ‘kay?” 

She pecks him on the cheek as she stands then heads to the bathroom, the feeling on his eyes on her ass as she walks away. “Don’t worry, you two will be getting personally reacquainted  _very_   _soon_.” 

She leaves him sweating then for what feels like an eternity, though in reality she’s only gone for about five minutes. She doesn’t stop him the second time around, doesn’t need to, she simply lies back and lets him do his thing. By the time he’s through with her, his little slip of the tongue is long forgotten.


	2. The Captain's Cabin

It feels strange to call these quarters her own. The Captain’s cabin.  _Her_  cabin. She can’t quite see them as her’s right now. In her mind this room still belongs to Anderson, even if his belongings no longer fill the room. Her box of belongings sits on the desk, waiting to be unpacked. Part of her doesn’t want to sort through them yet, to find their new place; to do so would be admitting that this truly is her cabin now, not his. And yet. 

Emma sighs and looks away, stopping herself from staring at the box. There’s only so long I can prolong the inevitable, she supposes, resigning herself to it finally. 

She has few belongings to find new homes for. She’s always travelled light, never kept many possessions; a result of spending so much of her life on the move, never settling for too long in one place. A picture of her family, her scrapbook, some of the personal memories she keeps close - though the closest will always be those etched in ink under her skin, a permanent reminder of her adventures. Her video games collection is set on the shelf, like books stacked on end. Her main pleasure. 

She makes a mental note to find a few things to spruce up the place. Make it feel more like her own, more homely. A few cushions and throws, maybe a plant. Because now, she accepts, this is home. As is this ship.  _Her_  ship now, Emma reminds herself. 

After one more deep breath, Shepard collects herself and sets out to issue the plan of action to her crew.


	3. A Much-Needed Distraction

She’s not sure what else to do right now. When she had gone to check up on Liara, to see how she was feeling after the death of her mother, she had expected - What  _had_  she expected? For her to break down and sob in her arms? For her to lash out and throw things at her in a blind rage? No, they seemed too out of character, knowing Liara as she did. In retrospect, the reaction she’d gotten was exactly what she should’ve expected. And yet it had still caught her off guard.

Liara was clearly mourning, an obvious fact given the circumstances. But as Emma had spoken with her it was made clear that it was for what Benezia had become and not the base fact that she had died, let alone to their hand. Still, that did not stop the feeling of guilt creeping in for how things had ended. Regardless of what Benezia had become, that was still her mother. And they had killed her. 

Emma heads back to her quarters, her head a blur of confusion. She had wanted to be there for Liara, to offer some sort of comfort for her. To spend time with her, simply be with her. But right now she did not seem to want as much. Understandable, but still oddly disappointing. And so she had turned and left, rather awkwardly, to leave Liara to her thoughts. 

She boots up her gaming system, hoping a distraction will clear her mind, or at the very least take her attention away from the swirling mess of emotions fighting for her attention right now. She does not have the patience to make sense of them just yet, though she knows that at some point she will have to, that she cannot put it off forever. But for now it can wait a little longer. 

As can the nagging feeling in the back of her mind that perhaps letting the Rachni Queen live was not her best decision. Sure, she had argued that  _this_ Queen would not be like her predecessors, but should anything go wrong she would likely not be around to suffer the consequences of her misjudgement. 

But, like everything else going through her mind right now, she sets it aside to give her some temporary peace of mind. 

The images on screen spring to life and she sets about methodically working her way through the game’s level, picking off enemies one by one until the first level is cleared. She has worked her way through twentysix levels before she decides to start addressing the issues at hand, starting first with the Rachni Queen. By far the easiest problem to address, in her opinion. A cowardly first choice, she thinks, but a choice nonetheless. 

Working out the jumble of emotions surrounding Liara takes more effort, and by the time Emma has even started to make sense of them she’s almost onto level seventy and showing no sign of turning off her console yet. She stays up late into the night, arguing that a clear mind is needed for her to sleep. It takes a long time for her mind to clear and even when she finally settles down to sleep, her is still busy trying to make sense of some lingering thoughts. 


	4. Prove Me Wrong

Between all the smoke and fire and destruction, she cannot see her. They had barely made it out of the way in time, were lucky that they were not crushed, but the Commander had been closer to the main crash point. There was no way she had survived that. Surely. 

And yet that did not stop Liara staring hopefully at that pile of wreckage where she had seen her last, willing her to step out. To prove her wrong.  _Please prove me wrong._

The tears welling in her eyes make it harder to search, harder to see past the grim realisation that is finally setting in. Hope can only take her so far. And right now, she is at the end of the road, toes hanging off the edge. She blinks the tears away and feels a hand on her shoulder, stops her from toppling over the edge. Garrus. He has that same look on his face, that same glimmer of desperate hope in his eyes. His hand squeezes her shoulder, offers what little comfort he can. 

_Please prove me wrong._

The sound of metal moving and their attention shifts. Someone is moving through the wreckage, scrambling and squeezing through whatever space they can find. A pause and silence. Footsteps now, growing in volume as they get closer. The clank of armour as someone moves. 

She steps back from the edge, allows the hope to grow. 

Their smiles are bright when they see the Commander appear from the wreckage, slightly injured but otherwise fine. And most importantly, alive. 

Shepard practically runs towards them, clutching her arm to her chest as she does so. Her sights are set on Liara and she strides towards her now, quickly closing the space between her to embrace her. She returns her embrace just as fiercely, clinging onto her for a moment before remembering about her arm and quickly letting her go. 

Shepard simply grins. “I told you we wouldn’t fail.” 

Liara chuckles, the sound shaky. “I never doubted it.”  

The group make to move, but the Commander waits a moment, grabs Liara’s hand to keep her with her a moment longer. The others pause and look back, but find the two women sharing a celebratory kiss and continue onwards at a slower pace, giving them time to catch up when they are done. 

She keeps Liara’s hand in hers as they walk to meet the Council, a smile stuck in the corners of her mouth.


	5. Reload

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A silly little thing based on that scene in Uncharted 4. Because I love that game too.

“Motherfucker!”

An object lands on the bed beside Liara’s leg and she looks down to find Shepard’s controller by her side, instead of in her hand where it had been a moment ago. Liara sighs. “Did you die again?”

“Yeah and I can’t figure out how to get past this guy. Just when I’ve got his pattern down, he changes it up and I get a shotgun or grenade to the face and die.” 

Liara picks the controller up and turns it in her hands. “Perhaps you simply need a fresh set of eyes. May I try?” 

Normally EJ would argue that she can manage, but they both know how long she’s been stuck on this level for and right now she’s on the verge of quitting the game for good. So instead she nods and waves a hand for Liara to do what she likes. She watches as Liara reloads the level and familiarises herself with the controls and begins to learn the level. She comments as Liara dies to the same attack that had been stumping EJ, but Liara simply hits  _reload_  and tries again. 

It takes her three more tries before she hands the controller back to a gob-smacked Shepard. “There. You had to use a melee attack to stun him first, then you could get a few hits in before he woke back up again.”

EJ remains dumb-founded for a moment and Liara has to place the controller back in her hands to prompt her to move. Focus returned, Shepard grips the controller and places a quick kiss on Liara’s cheek before she hits  _continue_. “Thanks love.” 

Liara simply smiles and returns to her datapad. “Any time.”


	6. Mordin

She manages to hold it in all the way back to the Normandy. Through the talks with everyone. Through polite chit chat. She doesn’t have the effort in her to fake a smile, not today, but she manages a tight-lipped smile that she knows comes off as a grimace. Right now she couldn’t care less. Right now she wants nothing more than to be alone. 

She almost lets go when Garrus talks to her. Almost. But she’s still in the open. Still Commander Shepard. She can’t break down now, not yet. Just a little longer.  _Just hold it in a little longer._

It’s easy enough to get away. She makes some weak excuse, but it is accepted without questioning and they wish her goodnight. They can see she needs to call it a day and they have no intention of stopping her. After the day she’s had, this is earned. 

She is silent as she heads for the elevator to her quarters. The soft ring of muzak is her only company on the way up. 

She finally lets go the second the elevator doors open, she doesn’t even make it to her quarters. The weight of it all finally hits her and she can no longer carry it on her shoulders and pretend that it is not there. The genophage, cured, but at what cost? He knew the cost, likely had done for some time now. He had smiled as he’d said goodbye.  _Had to be me._ She wonders if someone else could’ve done it, but in her heart she knows there was no one else who could’ve. It had to be him. 

* * *

He’d made sure to give her enough time to get the worst out of her system before following her up. After knowing the Commander for so long, he knows how to tread around her. Though if he was being honest with himself right now he’s in somewhat uncharted territory, into which he is flying blind and praying he doesn’t crash. 

She’s crumpled by the sofa when he finds her. “EJ?” 

She doesn’t acknowledge him at first and Garrus isn’t sure she’s heard him over the sound of her own sobbing. But then her cries quieten and she hiccups to a stop, sniffing as she wipes her eyes on her sleeves. “He really did it.” Her voice is hoarse as she speaks and she needs to cough to try and clear it. It doesn’t work. “I begged him to stay, but it was the only way to cure the genophage. One life to save millions,  _billions_  of others. Seems a pretty easy choice, doesn’t it? Especially when he made the choice for me.” A sob bursts past her lips and she crumples in on herself again. “Why couldn’t he let me save him?”

He doesn’t have an answer for her, nor anything of comfort that will help right now. Instead he drags her - with great effort - from the floor and tries to sit her on the sofa beside him. She manages to make it onto the cushioned seats before crumpling again and Garrus lets her, her head resting in his lap. 

After a moment she turns to look up at him. “Garrus? Can you grab me a cushion? Your lap is nowhere near as comfy as it looked a second ago.”

He chuckles and rummages around, finds the biggest cushion out of the many scattered on the sofa, then places it under EJ’s head. She shifts on his lap, sighing contently as she settles down again. “Much better.” 

They remain like that for what feels like an eternity. At one point her hand finds his and guides it to her hair, prompting him to do something, anything - he opts for an attempt at braiding, but quickly abandons that and instead rakes his fingers through her hair, earning another contented sigh. 

He lets his hands fall away when she turns in his lap to stare up at him. Her eyes are puffy and red. “Hey, Garrus? Thanks for this.” 

“This is what I’m here for, right? To be used as a lumpy pillow and to badly braid hair. Speaking of which, you might wanna take a brush to that soon. I’m not sure what I did at the back here, but it’s bad.” 

She smiles up at him, the first he’s seen all day. “Don’t quit your day job just yet. Hairdressing isn’t on your horizon. You’re much better with a gun.” 

He grins back at her. “Does that mean you  _won’t_  be writing me a glowing recommendation when I apply to beauty school?” 


	7. Wake Up

They’re not sure she’ll wake up. 

Her injuries are extensive. They all know that she has bounced back from death before, literally died and come back to life, but there are only so many times one can look Death in the eye and tell Them to go fuck Themselves. And for as much as Commander Shepard seemed to love telling Death where to go, this time she seemed to be losing her battle with Them. 

They hope she’ll wake up. 

Beeps and whirs signal that she’s still kicking, at least as much as she can be right now. Machines keep her alive, and some would ask how much of a life this is , how much will it ever be, but they have faith that she will pull through. She has to. Her vitals on the machine readout improve and the nurse tending to her envisions her, toe to toe with Death, raising her middle finger to Them. She smiles to herself before leaving the room, checks done. 

She’s sure she’ll wake up.

She’s been through worse than this. She has seen the Commander at her worst, was there at her worst. But once again she feels helpless, despite knowing she has done all that she can. The staff here know what they are doing. Shepard is in good hands. She just wishes there was more she could do rather than sit and wait and hold a hand that doesn’t squeeze back. 

She hopes she’ll wake up. 

Doubt burrows away at the back of her mind, creeping further and further throughout her brain. The longer she sleeps, the less likely it seems she’ll wake up. The more likely it seems she’ll leave here alone, like she promised she wouldn’t.  _You’re stuck with me for as long as I live, T’Soni._   _You think a little thing like death is gonna stop me?_   _Nah, I ain’t going nowhere._  She had been so earnest at the time, she was so easy to believe. Instead her words ring hollow now. 

“Liara?” 

Her vision blurs as tears fall down her face. “Emma? You’re awake?”

“’Fraid I’d upped and left you T’Soni? Like you can get rid of me that easily.” 

She quickly falls asleep again, a hint of a smile on the Commander’s lips. Her hand is tight around Liara’s as she sleeps. 

_She woke up._


End file.
